# Episode 175: Unproductive Thinking vs. Productive Thinking
## Introduction
Welcome to *Life Uninhibited*. I'm your host, Kristin Messegee, Enneagram 6 and life coach for Sixes.
In today's episode, I answer a listener question and provide some very specific distinctions between unproductive thinking and productive thinking.
Let's dive in.
---
## Welcome
Hello, Sixes. Welcome.
Thank you for being here.
Quick note before I get started: I have unintentionally started selling the next round of *Uninhibited*, which is going to start in September.
It's been fun to start filling spots already, but I'm not quite prepared with a proper sales page and all the things because I'm shifting a few things from the way I did them this time around.
Anyway, I'm a really good example of someone who has a really good business, and it's just not all ducks in a row all the time. Everything isn't always smooth and clean.
It's just not like that.
And it still works.
So let that be an encouragement to those of you who think it has to be different than that.
It really doesn't.
If you're interested in the next round of the *Uninhibited* group coaching program, reach out.
We can hop on a Zoom call and chat about it. I'd love to do that.
And I will have something official available very soon as well.
Okay.
Moving on.
---
## A Listener Question
I got a question on Instagram, and I wanted to answer it here.
We were chatting back and forth a little bit, and I said, "Let me just do a podcast episode on this," because I think it's a really useful question.
It'll be much easier to talk through than to try to write out my thoughts.
So I'm going to share the question with you, and then we'll talk about it.
Here's the question.
This person recently got a new leadership position in an organization where the workers are part-time contractors.
They're in a leadership role without many people around to help tackle problems or do vision work for what a successful future might look like.
So it's kind of a lonely-at-the-top situation.
They added, "Tough for a social Six."
Yes.
Yes, it is.
That is tough for a Six.
We like to think things through with people.
We like to make decisions alongside another person, a set of guidelines, or some kind of structure that helps guide us.
Otherwise, everything feels too open.
Our self-doubt gets activated.
We worry about making mistakes.
We worry about doing things wrong.
All of those things start to come online.
So yes, I just want to validate that this is a tough position.
It's very doable.
But it is tough.
---
## The Question
The question was:
> "How can a Six discern productive thinking from unproductive thinking?"
I'm going to answer that very specifically at the end of this episode.
Then they continued:
> "I think for Sixes who have achieved a good amount of success, it's hard not to think that your overthinking, overplanning, self-doubt, and over-consulting have contributed to your success."
I hear some version of that all the time.
We'll definitely talk about that.
Then they said:
> "Your recent podcasts have inspired me to try to let go of these habits of mind and trust that I might be more at peace and more productive if I stop trying to control for every worst-case scenario."
Whew.
Easier said than done.
But yes.
They went on:
> "I'm trying to stop ruminating with worry over the challenges facing the organization so that fear of an unknowable future isn't the thief of joy for today."
I thought that was so well said.
So often, our worries about unknowable futures steal what's right in front of us.
We can't even be here now because we're so focused on what might happen later.
Finally, they asked:
> "Do you have any tips on how to separate the benefits of a Six mind from the downsides?"
Great question.
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that out.
---
## Have These Habits Helped You?
Let's start with this part:
> "It's hard not to think your overthinking, overplanning, self-doubt, and over-consulting have contributed to your success."
There are absolutely roles—and seasons of life—where projecting into the future, asking what might go wrong, and planning for contingencies is incredibly helpful.
In fact, there are projects, careers, and situations where that's exactly what needs to happen.
The issue is that Sixes tend to take that process and turn the volume all the way up.
So yes, it's probably true that some of your success has come from thinking deeply about things.
Making contingency plans.
Considering different outcomes.
Your self-doubt keeps the planning going.
Seeking different perspectives through consultation has probably helped as well.
Those things can all be genuinely useful.
The issue isn't that those qualities are bad.
The issue is that we tend to overdo them.
That doesn't make the qualities themselves wrong.
It simply means we can use them beyond the point where they're helpful.
One thing that's important for Sixes to remember is that we naturally think in absolutes.
We think in black and white.
So instead of saying, "Some of these habits have been helpful," we tend to think either:
"They're all good."
Or:
"They're all bad."
Neither of those is true.
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## Every Strength Has a Shadow Side
I've had clients who are lawyers.
Their actual job is to foresee every possible problem that might arise and prepare responses ahead of time.
If this happens, we'll do this.
If they argue that, we'll respond with this.
That's literally their job.
And there are plenty of careers where that type of thinking is an incredible strength.
Those are often great careers for Sixes because looking for potential problems is built into the role.
That's actually a clue about productive thinking versus unproductive thinking—which we'll get to shortly.
The point I want to make here is this:
There is no world where our qualities are all good or all bad.
I genuinely believe every quality has both a light side and a shadow side.
Every strength has the potential to become overused.
Every strength can become less helpful if we keep pushing it beyond the point where it's needed.
So yes, there are many situations where these qualities have absolutely contributed to your success.
The challenge is that we often want to look backward and know exactly why something worked.
We want certainty.
We always want certainty.
We want to close every gap of uncertainty.
We want to look back and say:
"Now I understand exactly why I succeeded."
And we want to look forward and know exactly what will work next time.
But that's simply not how life works.
It's frustrating.
I know.
We hate it.
We want certainty looking backward.
We want certainty looking forward.
But much of that desire is simply our longing for certainty.
It's not actually how life operates.
---
Perfect! Here's **Part 2** of the cleaned transcript.
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# Letting Go of Control
The listener went on to say:
> "Your recent podcasts have inspired me to try to let go of these habits of mind and trust that I might be more at peace and more productive if I stop trying to control for every worst-case scenario."
Here's what I want to say about that.
In this case, trust looks like making decisions.
It's trusting that if I do a little less of these things—not none of them, because we still want to do our due diligence—but if I do a little less overthinking, overplanning, and over-consulting, I can begin making decisions more quickly.
And that will actually produce more productivity.
I can almost guarantee it.
What it probably won't produce, at least not at first, is more peace.
It's really important that we talk about this because one of the biggest lies our brains tell us is that when we do the "right" thing—or the healthy thing—we're immediately going to feel better.
We'll feel peaceful.
We'll feel calm.
We'll finally feel the way we've been hoping to feel.
But that's usually not how change works.
The truth is that when we start doing things differently—when we do a little less of the things we've always done and begin making decisions more quickly through trust, or maybe more accurately through courage or faith—we're actually going to feel worse at first.
Why?
Because we're going to have to confront our fear.
We're going to have to confront uncertainty.
And that is exactly what we've been trying to avoid.
So yes, over time, making decisions more quickly, seeing what happens, gathering data, and then making another decision will help us build trust.
But there is a bridge between where we are now and where we're trying to go.
And that bridge is uncomfortable.
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# Learning to Tolerate Discomfort
We have to know how to take care of ourselves during that period of discomfort.
We have to expand our capacity for uncertainty.
Eventually, we'll feel better making decisions more quickly.
But first, we have to get through the uncomfortable part.
That's one of the reasons last week's episode was called **"Discomfort Is Part of the Deal."**
Life is full of discomfort.
And when we're intentionally trying to do things differently, we're going to feel uncomfortable.
If I decide I'm going to make decisions faster, then I'm going to encounter my fear faster.
The more I do that, the more evidence I gather that says:
"Okay."
"I can do this."
But it doesn't feel good in the beginning.
It's incredibly important that we understand this.
We need to know how to care for ourselves in that gap—in that place where we don't know what's going to happen yet.
We have to build tolerance for uncertainty.
I promise there are ways to make that easier.
They're not necessarily easy, especially at first.
But they do exist.
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# Looking at the Evidence
Here's something else that's important.
If you look back over your life, you already have evidence that you've done this before.
You've made difficult decisions.
You've lived through uncertainty.
You've navigated situations where you didn't know the outcome.
That's productive thinking.
A productive question might be:
**"What evidence do I already have that I can make decisions and tolerate the discomfort of uncertainty until I have more information?"**
That's a really useful question for your brain to work on.
Because here's the reality:
Any time we think we made a decision with all of the information...
We didn't.
We couldn't have.
None of us ever has all the information.
And you know how I know that's true?
Because how many times have you thought you had all the information, made the decision, and then afterward your brain immediately asked:
"But what about this?"
"Did you think of that?"
"What if this happens?"
There are always more variables.
The idea that we could ever gather every piece of information before making a decision is simply not true.
It's impossible.
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# You Can't Predict Everything
The same thing is true about worst-case scenarios.
We cannot imagine every possible outcome.
We just can't.
On one hand, that's scary.
On the other hand...
It can actually be comforting.
We cannot see the future.
We cannot know every possible thing that might happen.
That becomes another productive question.
"What are examples in my life where I thought I knew exactly what was going to happen...
...and then something completely unexpected happened?"
That's a productive use of your mind.
Productive thinking asks questions that require your brain to actually think.
Not questions your brain already has automatic answers for.
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# Feeling Bad Doesn't Mean You're Doing It Wrong
One more point before we get into productive versus unproductive thinking.
This goes back to my whole message that discomfort is part of the deal.
When we're trying new things and we feel bad, our brains automatically conclude that we're doing something wrong.
"If I feel anxious..."
"If I feel uncomfortable..."
"If I feel uncertain..."
"...then I must be making the wrong choice."
No.
No, no, no.
Feeling uncomfortable may actually be evidence that you're doing exactly what you intended to do.
Not "the right thing" because it guarantees a certain outcome.
But the right thing because you're choosing a new behavior.
You're choosing discomfort that moves you toward your goals instead of staying stuck in the familiar discomfort you've already been living with.
There's a big difference between those two.
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Absolutely! Here's **Part 3**, cleaned up while preserving Kristin's voice and teaching style.
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# Unproductive Thinking vs. Productive Thinking
Okay, let me walk through some characteristics of **unproductive thinking** and some characteristics of **productive thinking**.
I think this distinction is really helpful.
It should become pretty clear as we go.
## Unproductive Thinking
Unproductive thinking asks questions without ever answering them.
These are the "What if?" loops that just generate more questions.
"What if this happens?"
"What if they think that?"
"What if I made the wrong decision?"
If your thinking is simply asking questions without moving toward an answer, that's unproductive thinking.
It's getting you nowhere.
Rumination is another form of unproductive thinking.
It keeps returning to the same place.
Usually it's a pain point.
"Why am I like this?"
"Why did that happen?"
It just runs the same thoughts over and over again.
That's rumination.
That's unproductive thinking.
Unproductive thinking increases doubt instead of putting doubt in its proper place.
Now, doubt itself isn't bad.
Doubt isn't bad at all.
Honestly, we all know people we wish would doubt themselves a little more.
The problem is when doubt keeps growing and growing and growing.
That's unproductive thinking.
Talking poorly to ourselves without any kind of reality check is also unproductive thinking.
When your inner dialogue is just running wild...
When you're beating yourself up without questioning whether those thoughts are actually true...
That's harmful.
We don't want that.
Another sign of unproductive thinking is constantly saying:
"Yeah... but."
You can do this with yourself.
You can do it with other people.
Either way, "Yeah, but..." is usually unproductive thinking.
It's a commitment to the problem rather than movement toward a solution.
Sometimes Sixes can spend a lot of time convincing themselves there isn't a solution.
That's unproductive thinking.
Unproductive thinking also produces endless "shoulds."
"I should do this."
"I have to do that."
"I should make sure I say this exactly the right way."
Whenever there's a "should," it's usually worth getting curious about it.
Shoulds tend to be signs of unproductive thinking.
Unproductive thinking feels incredibly urgent...
...but it doesn't actually move us toward a decision.
It just gets louder.
It doesn't become clearer.
It just becomes more intense.
It gets loud in our heads.
It gets loud in our bodies.
It's really good at turning the volume up.
Unproductive thinking is an excellent volume knob.
It's not very good at producing clarity.
Another characteristic is constantly seeking more and more input before making a decision.
There's always one more person to ask.
One more article to read.
One more opinion to gather.
And finally...
Unproductive thinking mistakes familiar thoughts for truth.
This is so important.
Maybe you have a recurring story about your partner.
"They never support me."
"They never understand me."
If you've repeated that story enough times, every conflict automatically reinforces it.
"There it is again."
"See? I knew it."
We stop questioning the story because it's familiar.
But familiarity doesn't make something true.
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# Productive Thinking
Now let's talk about productive thinking.
I'll be honest...
We don't like this kind of thinking nearly as much.
It doesn't come as naturally.
It's somewhat repressed.
Automatic thinking is much easier.
Those thoughts just appear.
We don't have to go looking for them.
Productive thinking asks questions...
...and then moves toward an answer.
Even if it isn't the perfect answer.
Even if it's just:
"Okay, I think I'm getting somewhere."
It already feels different.
Productive thinking can reach a decision.
Or a next step.
Or even a "good enough for now."
It says:
"I've gathered enough information for this moment."
"Maybe I'll sleep on it."
"Maybe I'll make one small decision."
"Maybe I'll just decide the next step."
It knows when enough is enough.
One thing I really want Sixes to learn is what productive thinking actually feels like in the body.
We're not used to it.
Especially when we're alone.
It often feels easier with another person.
Even then, we can get stuck in the "Yeah, but..." cycle.
Here's a little side note.
Many times when we think we're trying to solve a problem with another person...
We're actually trying to get rid of an uncomfortable feeling.
We're looking for reassurance.
Validation.
Permission.
We're trying to feel differently.
That doesn't usually work.
When we actually move into productive thinking, the feeling tone is completely different.
It's steady.
Measured.
Grounded.
Productive thinking reduces doubt.
It says:
"Okay, I'm not going to entertain every possible 'what if.'"
"I'm going to clarify what I already know."
Or:
"I've decided this much."
"Now what's left?"
Even reading these examples makes me laugh a little because my own body pushes back against them.
This isn't easy for us.
Here's something really important.
Unproductive thinking serves our underlying fear and anxiety.
Because as long as we keep thinking...
We don't have to decide.
We don't have to move.
Productive thinking does not serve fear.
That's one of the biggest differences.
Productive thinking reality-checks our self-talk.
"Is this actually true?"
"Or is this fear talking?"
"Is this shame?"
"What's really happening here?"
Productive thinking notices when we've entered shame-and-blame cycles.
Then it says:
"This isn't helping."
"This isn't solving anything."
Because shame is about managing a feeling.
It's not about solving a problem.
Productive thinking can hear a different perspective without immediately spinning out.
It can say:
"Hmm..."
"That's interesting."
"I should think about that."
Instead of arguing.
Instead of becoming defensive.
Instead of making someone else's opinion mean something terrible about us.
Productive thinking produces action.
Even if it's just one small action.
There's movement.
We make a decision.
We gain clarity.
We take the next step.
As we move through productive thinking, things usually get quieter.
Unproductive thinking gets louder.
Productive thinking gets quieter.
One moves toward chaos.
The other moves toward clarity.
Productive thinking also knows when it's done.
It can say:
"Okay."
"That's enough."
"It doesn't have to be perfect."
"It doesn't have to feel amazing."
"That's the decision."
Productive thinking can tolerate:
"I don't know yet."
It can tolerate uncertainty.
It can make a decision without knowing the entire outcome.
It serves the decision that's being made...
...not the anxiety that's trying to predict the future.
The anxiety lives somewhere else.
Usually out in the future.
Productive thinking says:
"Okay."
"What's the next step right here?"
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# Final Thoughts
Hopefully you can hear the difference between those two ways of thinking.
And hopefully this also takes some of the shame away from the way Sixes naturally operate.
Because there is a lot of good in the way we think.
There really is.
There are wonderful qualities there.
Sometimes those qualities just get overused.
Sometimes the narratives our minds create become too big.
Sometimes our strengths simply become excessive.
But the very same qualities that can create struggle can also become some of our greatest gifts when they're used intentionally.
So that's what I have for you today.
Thank you so much for this wonderful question.
I hope it was helpful.
That's it for this week.
I'll be back next week.
If you have a question you'd like me to answer, send me an email or send me a message on Instagram.
Bye!
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# Closing
Thank you so much for listening.
If you're interested in learning more about the next round of the **Uninhibited** group coaching program, click the link in the show notes to schedule a consultation with me.
You can also email me at **[[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])**.
I also have a couple of one-on-one coaching spots available if you're ready to get started now.
The same options apply.
Get on my calendar or send me an email.
I'd love to meet you, hear what's going on, and help you determine what type of support is the best fit for you.
